


Love Is The String That Holds Us Together

by DistantStar, StormChaser1117



Series: Clexaweek2019 [2]
Category: The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Clexaweek2019, Drunk Sex, Explicit Sexual Content, F/F, Falling In Love, Friends With Benefits, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, No Strings Attached, Smut, day2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 00:45:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17929562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DistantStar/pseuds/DistantStar, https://archiveofourown.org/users/StormChaser1117/pseuds/StormChaser1117
Summary: Lexa and Clarke are best friends. One night after drinking they hook up.  They decide to be friends with benefitsWhat happens they inevitably fall in love?





	Love Is The String That Holds Us Together

**Author's Note:**

> Here's our contribution for Clexaweek2019 Day2: No strings attached
> 
> Enjoy :)

Music pounded through the dim bar. Bodies were pressed together dancing to it in the strobe lights. For Clarke, it was a far cry from Africa. She sat there with a cold drink in her hand at the table with Raven and Raven’s new marine girlfriend with the promise of the rest of her old college friends dropping by later she knew it was a good night.

There was one friend in particular she was looking forward to seeing. And Clarke tried not to, but she kept watching the doors. Gulping from her glass she set it down with a thunk and called over the noise, “NASA, Raven. I am so proud!” she knew it was her best friend’s dream.

“Thank you!” Raven smiled and held up her glass, “Cheers to you being back, my new job and…” Raven kissed her girlfriend, Anya, “my sexy girlfriend.”

“Cheers!” Clarke called and took another deep swallow of her glass. She looked up at the door to see Lexa walking through the door, “Lex!” Clarke scrambled up from her seat and pushed her way through the crowd to reach her. She threw herself in Lexa’s arms and held on tight. It had been months since she last saw Lexa even though they kept up with emails and skype when they could.

It didn’t compare to seeing Lexa in person. Her eyes fell shut as she embraced her best friend.

“Clarke…” Lexa’s said right back, her hands holding Clarke’s back tight, “I missed you..” she mumbled against Clarke’s hair and Clarke wasn’t sure she heard right.

“I missed you too, Lex.” Clarke answered her. Finally she reluctantly untangled herself from the hug and stood back to look at her friend. Lexa was dressed in a form fitting suit and a tie. And she blushed and looked down at herself in her t-shirt and jeans.

“I’m sorry, I just left the office.”

“You look beautiful,” Clarke answered honestly. She knew Lexa had been on a case that had national attention, and she knew she’d won against Mt. Weather.

“Hey Clarke!” Anya’s voice shouted out, “you going to keep hogging my cousin or you going to let her come over here?” They both looked over at the table in time to see both Raven and Anya smirk. Raven whispered something to Anya who rolled her eyes and kissed Raven’s forehead.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Clarke pulled her over to their booth and sat next to her, “I think we need a couple shots so Lex can catch up.”

“No, no,” Lexa started to say, but Clarke pouted knowing Lexa would give in. They’d been friends for years, “Ugh, fine.”

Clarke signaled the server and ordered shots. Leaning back into the booth she couldn’t help but stare at Lexa who sat gingerly next to her like she was about to bolt up from her seat.  
“Not exactly your scene,” Anya teased, breaking the ice.

“Not really,” Lexa admitted with a shrug. Finally though she slouched back into the seat and draped one arm around Clarke. The shots were brought and Clarke almost choked on hers. She watched as Lexa swallowed, why hadn’t she noticed Lexa was so damn sexy? Or maybe it just had been so damn long since she’d gotten laid.

“Lexa just won a big case,” Anya spoke up proudly.

“I heard,” Clarke took the opportunity to hug her friend, “congratulations!”

“Thank you,” Lexa whispered against her ear. She pulled back and her smile was beautiful, “congratulations to you too, I missed you Clarke.”

“You have no idea how much I missed you, Lex,” Clarke leaned her head on Lexa’s shoulder as Raven ordered more shots and Clarke knew she would have a hangover tomorrow.

An hour later, Clarke really needed to pee. She kissed Lexa’s flushed cheek and excused herself to the bathroom. She used the restroom and came out of the stall to wash her hands only to find Lexa leaning against the counter, her legs crossed in front of her looking at her with a look, Clarke had never seen Lexa direct at her before.

“Waiting for me?” Clarke teased, but when she came closer, the look in Lexa’s eyes took her breath away. She noticed Lexa’s gaze was trained on her lips. Clarke licked them and watched desire flare in Lexa’s eyes. Before she could question it, Lexa yanked her to her and they collided into a messy, urgent kiss.

Almost desperate.

“Let’s go home,” Lexa bit her ear when she whispered it and Clarke was already nodding her head before Lexa’s question was even complete.

It hadn’t taken them long to sneak out the back door and back to their shared apartment.

-=-

“Are we sure this is a good idea?” Clarke mumbled against Lexa’s lips. She was pressed against the wall by her best friend. Her best friend who was half naked. Clarke pulled her tighter against her even though her mind was screaming that this could ruin their friendship.

“Yes,” Lexa ran her tongue around her ear, “Very much so,” Lexa whispered in her ear before she nibbled on her earlobe.

Clarke leaned her head back giving Lexa more access as her hands wrapped in Lexa’s hair as Lexa sank to her knees in front of her. She felt Lexa’s hot breath over her soaking wet panties and tugged Lexa closer, “Fuck me!”

“I plan to,” Lexa’s tongue darted out over her panties and Clarke groaned needing and wanting more.

“Stop teasing,” Clarke panted out and tangled her hands in Lexa’s hair, “Please!” Lexa brought her hands up to her panties and ripped them off of her. The cold air made her shiver, but Lexa’s mouth was on her instantly, “Oh fuck, oh yes!”

All doubts completely flew out of her head as her orgasm fast approached. Her best friend was on her knees, her head between her legs and Clarke loved it. Vaguely, Clarke was aware they would need to talk about this, but right now, she was getting closer and closer to her climax.

Lexa sunk three fingers into her wet heat and Clarke whined at the stretch. Clarke knew she was wet enough because Lexa slid in easily, “Come for me, Clarke.”

It was Lexa’s commanding voice that triggered her orgasm and she spilled out into Lexa’s mouth. Pleasure overtook all her senses and she blacked out briefly as she twitched and shook through her release.

“Fuck, Lexa,” Clarke’s legs gave out and she slumped down into Lexa’s lap who had manerverd to sit on the ground.

“Good for you?” Lexa teased and peppered her neck with kisses before capturing her mouth in a searing kiss that Clarke felt all the way to her toes. She had thought about kissing Lexa before, but nothing compared to kissing her for real.

Clarke loved it and that was a dangerous thing because the last thing Clarke wanted to do was lose Lexa.

Maybe this could just be sex.

“Did my massive orgasm not tell you that?” Clarke teased and kissed Lexa back hard, biting Lexa’s pouty bottom lip and tugging into her mouth.

“It was a good sign,” Lexa grinded up into her and Clarke ran her hands down Lexa’s back feeling her tremble against her.

“Your turn,” Clarke pushed Lexa onto her back on the floor as she straddled her. Clarke thought back to how they got here and tried to pinpoint the exact moment something changed between them..

“Clarke...” Lexa pleaded and her voice brought Clarke back to the present.

“Yes, Lex,” Clarke stroked a hand down Lexa’s chest and circled her hardened nipples, “What do you like?”

“Anything...everything...just touch me,” Lexa begged as she arched up into her.

“I am,” Clarke pinched her nipple and enjoyed Lexa’s long groan. Lexa canted her hips and Clarke brought her hand down to cup her and let out her own groan when she felt the wetness seeping through Lexa’s boy shorts, “Fuck, you’re so wet.”

“For you,” Lexa whimpered and Clarke gave in because after all this was her best friend and she couldn’t keep torturing her and not give Lexa her own release, “Please, Clarke.”

Clarke nodded and kissed her. She moved down Lexa’s body, nipping and licking down her chest until she hovered over Lexa’s center. She wasted no time in yanking off Lexa’s ruined underwear and the scent of Lexa’s arousal made her mouth water.

“What do you need?” Clarke blew hot air over Lexa’s engorged clit before she wrapped her lips around it and sucked hard.

“You...to…” Lexa wrapped her hands around her head and tugged her towards her. Clarke smirked as she ran her tongue down Lexa’s slit, “Yes...right there!” Lexa cried out and wrapped her legs around Clarke’s head.

“Mmm, you taste so good,” Clarke lost herself in pleasing Lexa and ignored the thought of how right this felt. She ran her tongue between Lexa’s folds before dipping down and plunging her tongue into Lexa’s entrance as far as she could go.

Lexa bucked up into her and cried out her name, “Clarke...Clarke...Clarke!”

Emboldened by Lexa’s cries, Clarke removed her tongue only to give attention to her neglected clit as she thrusted two fingers deep inside Lexa. She felt Lexa clench down around her and try to suck her farther in.

She was surrounded by wet moist heat and it felt fucking phenomenal. Lexa’s grip tightened in her hair which was slightly painful, but Clarke ignored it and focused on bringing her best friend to her orgasm.

“Let go, Lex,” Clarke husked and curled her fingers to hit Lexa’s g spot. She stroked it once than twice and pulled back as Lexa came completely undone. She watched in fascination as Lexa’s eyes slammed shut, her neck taught, one hand clenched in her hair and the other scrambled gripped the rug. Clarke lapped up every last drop of Lexa’s essence and smacked her lips when Lexa fell boneless to the floor, her breathing labored, “You okay?”

Lexa nodded, “Never better, you’ve ruined me, Clarke,” Lexa tugged at her and Clarke took the hint and covered Lexa’s body with her own.

They fit so perfectly together, but Clarke shook the thought away.

“I’m glad I remembered, it’s been awhile,” Clarke kissed Lexa’s chest and felt her rapidly beating heart pounding underneath her cheek.

“You did fantastic,” Lexa chuckled and Clarke felt her tense up. She knew what was coming and couldn’t help but tense up as well, “We should probably talk about this.”

Clarke nodded against Lexa’s chest, “You’re right, we should.”

“We were drinking a lot and it’s been awhile for both of us and…” Lexa paused and Clarke interrupted.

“It was just sex. You’re my best friend,” The words didn’t seem to encompass everything Lexa was to her, but she kept talking, “Maybe we can keep having sex. I mean it was phenomenal for me…”

“Me too,” Lexa smiled and brushed her hair back when Clarke looked up at her.

“So friends with benefits?” Clarke asked and felt her own heart skip a beat at the look in Lexa’s eyes.

“No strings attached works for me,” Lexa agreed.

Clarke smiled as well, but the thought of no strings didn’t sit well with her because with Lexa how could it be anything else, but an attachment.

For now, Clarke snuggled back into her friend and would worry about the rest later.

-=-

Three months later and it was still the best sex, Clarke ever had. The arrangement seemed to work just fine for Lexa it seemed, but it had started to change for her. Lexa was the only person she’d been sleeping with since it all started and was pretty sure it was the same way for Lexa.

They were both too busy for a relationship, so that’s why their arrangement had worked. She got great sex and got to keep her best friend. It was a win win in her eyes. Lexa knew her better than anybody else and had learned her what she liked and disliked during sex. It was fantastic.  
Clarke sat on her couch on a rare night off, contemplating how she wanted to spend her time. She hadn’t seen Lexa in almost a week and if Clarke was honest, she missed her. She missed her best friend, the sex was just an added bonus.

She was honestly surprised their friends hadn’t picked up on the fact they were sleeping together occasionally. Clarke scoffed, it was once or twice a week when they started, but now it was more five to six times. So it being almost a week now, Clarke was getting antsy.

Even though they lived together, they both had been too busy for more than a cursory hello as they passed each other coming or going from the apartment.

She pulled out her phone and decided to text Lexa even though, Clarke knew Lexa was more than likely still at work.

‘Hey you’

It didn’t take long for Lexa to reply which put an immediate smile on Clarke’s face. Something that wasn’t uncommon if though her heart fluttered reading Lexa’s message.

‘Hey...I was just thinking about you.’

Tapping her hand on her leg, Clarke tried to think of a witty response.

‘Want to share what you’re thinking?’

It wasn’t the best reply, but it was all she could think of.

‘I’d rather show you.’

Clarke clenched her legs together as her imagination ran wild.

‘Why aren’t you home yet?’

She laughed when she read Lexa’s next reply.

‘Be home in ten, I want you naked and on my bed. Don’t you dare touch yourself until I get there.’

Standing up, Clarke did as requested and left a trail of her clothes to Lexa’s bedroom. She loved when Lexa took charge and Clarke knew Lexa loved it when she called her ‘Commander’ in bed.

She laid across Lexa’s bed in what she hoped was a sexy pose. Just as she got comfortable, Clarke heard the door open and smiled. Lexa was even faster than she said.

It made her smile even wider. Lexa was obviously just as revved up as she was. Within a minute, Lexa was in the doorway, her coat still on and her face flushed. She couldn’t help but wonder if Lexa had run here from work.

“Hello, Clarke,” Lexa’s voice sent shivers down her spine. The last couple months, they had explored many different things sexually and found they had a lot more in common than Clarke imagined, “I’m happy to see you listening,” Lexa’s eyes raked her up and down and she saw the appreciative gleam in Lexa’s eyes.

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke purred and watched Lexa’s eyes close for a moment. She loved having that effect on her.

“Get on hands and knees and face the headboard,” Lexa stepped in and removed her coat. She let it drop to the floor.

“Yes,” Clarke went to move, but Lexa’s hand on her shoulder stopped her. She looked back at her with an innocent smile.

“Yes, what?”

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke squeezed the sheets between her hands when she felt Lexa’s tie across her ass. She shuddered when Lexa trailed her fingertips down her spine. Lexa leaned over her and grabbed her hair. When Clarke was facing Lexa, she kissed her long and deep, leaving Clarke wanting more.

“Relax, close your eyes,” Clarke feels the heat of Lexa’s body move away and she couldn’t help but let out a small whimper. Something cool trailed across her back and rubbing over her ass before Clarke feels a gentle slap. The sting was minimal, but the effect surged through her, “Trust me.”

“I do, Commander,” Clarke trusted Lexa inexplicably. She has explored so much with Lexa that she never had before. She was so into...Clarke cut the thoughts of and focused on the feeling of Lexa behind her.

“Good,” Lexa flipped her over onto her back, “Keep your eyes closed.”

Clarke could feel Lexa hovering over her and moaned when she realized Lexa was naked. She ran her hands over Lexa’s bare skin, but stopped when she felt the harness surrounding her hips, “Fuck me.”

“That’s the idea,” Lexa canted her hips down and Clarke felt the tip of the toy between her legs, “This one is a new toy, do you like it?”

“Yes…” Clarke whined when she felt the toy spread her open. She could feel the ridges of the dildo that only enhanced her pleasure. Clarke moved her hand down and was surprised when she felt the other end going into Lexa. She couldn’t help, but stroke Lexa’s slit and feeling just how wet Lexa was, “Oh my god!”

“That’s right, babe,” Lexa slid in and Clarke wrapped her legs around her, “Gonna take this nice and slow,” She kissed her slowly at first, but escalates quickly with Lexa deepening the kiss, biting her lip before pulling away.

“Please…” Clarke bucked her hips to take the dildo deeper, making Lexa stutter as the other end rubs against her. She would have smirked in response if she could think clearly.

Lexa circles her hips against her and Clarke lifts herself again making Lexa groan. Lexa increases her pace to where she’s pounding her into the bed. Clarke’s hands grapple to hold onto something, but her hands slide off Lexa’s sweat slicked back, “Is this what you want?”

“Yes, Commander,” Clarke threw her head back, “Can I open my eyes?”

“Go ahead.”

With Lexa’s permission, her eyes snap open. Lexa kisses her hard before rolling them over to where Clarke is on top, “Fuck!”

“Fuck yourself,” Lexa’s hands are on her hips and Clarke can already feel her orgasm building in the base of her spine. Clarke starts to ride her and she sees that each roll of her hips has a ripple effect on Lexa.

It spurred her on even more.

Clarke locks eyes with Lexa as she lifts herself almost completely off the dildo only to slam back down. Clarke sees Lexa’s eyes slam close, her head tilted back and the grip on her hips tightens, “I’m gonna come…” Clarke drops her forehead against Lexa’s, their hips slamming together in time, Lexa’s bucking up as she slams down. The tremors start to ripple through her.

“Come for me,” Lexa moves a hand to her clit and that threw her over the edge. Clarke wanted Lexa to come with her so she rubbed Lexa’s clit as well. They exploded together, their eyes never breaking contact. Clarke felt a stirring in her heart and swore she could see the same emotions swirling in Lexa’s eyes.

Something had changed between them and Clarke wasn’t sure if it was a good thing or not.

Only time would tell.

-=-

The next month and Clarke had yet to find a time to talk to Lexa. Whenever they happened to be in the same room for more than five minutes, clothes came off and they ended up having sex wherever they happened to be. Whether it was in Lexa’s office, the bathroom at the restaurant, the park or even their cars.

Finally, they were both home on a Saturday early afternoon, eating Chinese on the couch with the tv in the background. Clarke couldn’t keep her eyes off of Lexa as she scooped food into her mouth, her tongue wrapping around the chopsticks.

“What?” Lexa raised an eyebrow to look at her.

“Nothing,” Clarke shook her head and did her best to focus on whatever show was playing. She had no idea.

“You do realize I know when you’re lying, right?” Lexa mumbled around a mouthful of food. Normally, Clarke hated when someone talked with their mouth full, but with Lexa, it seemed like lately, there was nothing the woman could do wrong.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Clarke waved her away and took another bite of sweet and sour chicken.

“Whatever it is, you know you can talk to me right?” Lexa said and Clarke heard the sincerity in her voice. Lexa never said anything she didn’t mean which is what scared her. In the end, Lexa could tell her what she didn’t want to hear and she could lose her lover, but also her best friend.

It was a risk she knew they’d taken when they decided to sleep together the first time, but that was when their arrangement worked for both of them. Now, Clarke wanted more and wasn’t sure how Lexa felt about it.

“I know, I can,” Clarke squared her shoulders and set down her container on the coffee table, “Actually, Lex...I…”

“What?” Lexa reached out and put a hand over hers. Clarke couldn’t ignore the tingle that spread through her at Lexa’s touch.

It was next to impossible when it came to Lexa.

“I…” She was cut off by a knock on the door and she swore under her breath.

“Are we expecting anyone?” Lexa asked as she stood up and stretched, Lexa’s shirt riding up.

“Not that I’m aware of,” Clarke answered, her gaze lingering on the v cut of Lexa’s abs. She looked up to see Lexa smirking at her.

“See something you like?” Lexa teased and leaned down to kiss her softly.

“Always,” Clarke answered honestly, but the knock sounded again. Lexa looked at her strangely before she headed to the door.

Clarke peeked over the couch as Lexa opened the door and groaned when she saw who it was.

Luna, their neighbor.

“Hi,” Lexa smiled and Clarke felt jealously course through her as Lexa leaned against the door causally.

“Hey,” Luna smiled and trailed a hand over Lexa’s arm. Clarke had to bite back a curse for Luna daring to touch what was hers.

But that was thing, Lexa wasn’t hers and that thought alone sent her scampering off the couch and into her bedroom. She couldn’t bear watching Lexa flirt with someone else when they’d been sleeping together for months.

She could still hear them talking, but couldn’t make out what was said. She decided to distract herself and grabbed her sketchbook. All she wanted to do was lose herself in her art and not think about Lexa. In the end though, when she looked down at what she drew, it was Lexa’s face staring back at her.

“Fuck,” Clarke slammed the book closed and tossed it on the floor. When she checked the time, Clarke noticed twenty minutes had passed, but she could no longer hear the murmur of conversation. She wondered if Lexa just up and left without telling her, but was afraid to go out and see.

She didn’t want to find out that Lexa did in fact leave especially if it was with Luna.

“Damn it,” Clarke flopped back on her bed. She wanted to get over this stupid crush and go back to the way things were with Lexa. At least that’s what she kept trying to convince herself for the last month.

“Clarke?” Lexa called through the door which had Clarke bolting up. Relief spread through her knowing that Lexa hadn’t left, but it fell when she opened the door. Lexa stood there shifting from foot to foot and not meeting her eyes, “Are you okay?”

“Me? Yeah I’m fine,” Clarke eyed Lexa and a sinking feeling started to build in her stomach, “Are you?”

“Umm, yeah…” Lexa ran a hand across the back of her neck, a clear sign that Lexa was nervous and it only caused the sinking feeling to turn into dread.

“That doesn’t sound very reassuring, Lex,” Clarke tried to meet Lexa’s eyes, but she was avoiding it by looking everywhere but at her.

“You know me, I’m always good,” Lexa smiled and finally looked at her, but Clarke noticed the smile didn’t quite meet her eyes.

“Just spit out whatever it is,” Clarke sighed and crossed her arms, almost like she was trying to brace herself for what came next.

She was right.

“Luna asked me out on a date,” Lexa blurted out as she put her hands in her pockets and swayed back and forth.

“I see,” Clarke muttered, anger, jealousy and sadness threatening to overwhelm her, but she plastered a smile on her face.

“Yeah…”

“What did you say?” Clarke asked even though she already knew the answer.

“I said yes,” Lexa looked steadily at the ground and Clarke’s heart felt like it was breaking in her chest.

“Okay,” Tears threatened in the corner of her eyes, but she blinked them away, “Well, Niylah asked me out.”

“Wait...what?” Lexa’s head snapped up, “She did?”

“Why not? As you’ve said before,” She gestured between them, “No strings right, just two fuck buddies scratching an itch,” Clarke’s voice broke on the last word because to her, it was so much more than that. Every word she uttered felt like acid spewing from her mouth and she thought she saw Lexa’s face fall before her mask she knew so well, settled into place.

“Good for you,” Lexa whispered, “Is that what you wanted to talk to me about?”

“No...yes…yes it was,” Clarke said instead. It was obvious that Lexa didn’t feel the same way so why bother confessing her feelings. She wasn’t sure why she lied and told Lexa she had a date as well when in fact she didn’t. It was true that Niylah had asked her out multiple times, but Clarke always declined.

“Oh okay,” Lexa ran a hand over her face, “Well I hope you have a good time.”

“Thanks, you too,” Clarke ached to pull Lexa to her and confess everything she was feeling, but she didn’t. She refused to ruin any shot of Lexa being happy. If Luna could make her happy, who was she to stand in the way of her best friend’s happiness. They were best friends long before they became lovers. Clarke hoped they could find their way back without the sex, but at the moment, Clarke wasn’t sure it would be possible.

“See you later,” Lexa asked hesitantly and Clarke got the feeling there was more that Lexa wanted to say, but she didn’t.

“Of course,” She smiled, but felt like more of a grimace, “We do live together.”

Lexa laughed, but to Clarke’s ears, the laugh felt hollow, “That’s true,” She shifted to leave, but looked over her shoulder, “If you need me, I’m only a phone call away.”

Clarke nodded, “I know, likewise,” She only wished she didn’t want Lexa as more than a friend. It made everything ten times harder. Clarke took one last glance at Lexa before she softly closed the door and collapsed on the bed as the tears she’d been fighting spilled down her cheeks.

She curled herself into a ball as the sobs overtook her, but she muffled her cries into her pillow so Lexa didn’t hear.

Why did she have to go and fall in love with Lexa, why couldn’t she stick with the arrangement of no strings. In the end, Clarke knew that when it came to Lexa, it was always going to be more because she finally admitted to herself that she was head over heels in love with Lexa.

And had been for years.

-=-

Lexa wasn’t even sure why she’d said yes to Luna when all she could think about was Clarke. It was like an outer body experience and she could see herself smiling and flirting with Luna, but she’d also seen the look of devastation cross Clarke’s face as she watched her bolt into her bedroom.

After setting a time and place with Luna, Lexa tried to talk to Clarke, but couldn’t get the words out she wanted. She wanted Clarke to give her a reason to not go on the date, but instead Clarke informed her of her own date.

She heard a buzzing in her ears at the news and the fact that it was Niylah upset her more than she cared to admit. The woman was constantly asking her out, but Clarke always said no. Lexa couldn’t help but wonder why now after all these months, would Clarke say yes.

It didn’t make any sense.

Doing her best not to dwell on it any further, Lexa got ready for her date and couldn’t help but wish it was her and Clarke, not her and Luna.

That should have been a red flag, but if Clarke could go on a date, so could she. After all their arrangement wasn’t exclusive. That was the whole point. They were friends with benefits with no strings attached. It was what they agreed to. She was just the idiot that developed feelings for her best friend who had made it pretty damn clear she didn’t feel the same way.

Sighing, Lexa got dressed in grey slacks and a green blouse that Clarke told her brought out her eyes. She shook her head to banish the thought. Now wasn’t the time to think about Clarke. Once she finished, Lexa emerged from bedroom to see Clarke’s bedroom door open, but Clarke was nowhere to be seen.

Of course, Clarke just left without saying a word. Lexa knew that meant, Clarke was upset and she felt guilty for causing it. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt her, but Lexa should have known that in the end, one of them was bound to be hurt.

She didn’t want Clarke to be the one hurting though.

Checking the time, Lexa knew she needed to leave in order to meet Luna at the restaurant. Lexa had insisted they meet there, claiming she had some things to do beforehand to avoid them riding together. Luna had been understanding even though Lexa could see the disappointment in her eyes.

Lexa glanced once more around the apartment before she locked the door behind her and hurried out. Luckily the restaurant was only a few blocks away. ‘Grounders’ was an upscale restaurant that was a favorite of hers and served a variety of Italian dishes.

Luna was outside waiting for her and Lexa put on her best fake smile as she greeted her, “Hey.”

“Hi,” Luna leaned in and kissed her cheek, but it didn’t do anything for her. Clarke’s touch always sent shivers down her spine and caused her heartrate to increase. Luna’s touch only felt friendly. She felt bad for saying yes to this date when Lexa already knew nothing would come from it.

“Ready to head inside?” Lexa asked and gestured for her to go in after pulling the door open for her.

“Yes,” Luna smiled and trailed her hand down her arm. Lexa did her best not to flinch from her touch. Lexa followed behind her and waited as Luna gave her name to the host. They were seated right away in a booth towards the back of the restaurant.

“Have you been here before?” Lexa asked, trying to make small talk as they perused the menus.

“Once,” Luna answered with a small smile, “what about you?”

“I come here a lot with...Clarke,” Just saying her name sent a flutter through her belly.

“Your roommate right?” Luna cocked an eyebrow at her, but Lexa just nodded and ignored the probing gaze.

“Yes, my best friend,” Lexa said, but at the moment wasn’t even sure if she could still call Clarke that.

“That’s cool,” Luna nodded and focused back on the menu, but Lexa got the distinct impression that it was anything but cool, “Is there anything you recommend?”

Before Lexa could answer, the server appeared at their table, “Hi, I’m Harper and I’ll be your server this evening,” She smiled, “Can I interest you in a glass of wine?” Lexa was always nodding before Harper even finished asking.

“Yes, please,” Lexa held up her glass and looked over at Luna, “Would you like a glass?”

“That would be nice, thank you,” Luna smiled at her over the menu, but Lexa looked away.

“Are we ready to order or do we need a few more minutes,” Harper asked, setting the bottle on the table.

“I’m ready,” Lexa answered when Luna shook her head no, “Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize.”

“It’s okay, go ahead an order,” Luna smiled and reached across the table to cover her hand with hers. Lexa resisted the urge to pull her hand away, but didn’t want to embarrass Luna with her reaction to her touch.

“You sure?” Lexa asked.

“Yeah.”

She shrugged and looked at Harper, “Can I get the chicken and shrimp carbonara please with a side salad.”

“Absolutely,” Harper jotted it down and looked over at Luna.

“That sounds delicious, make that two,” Luna handed over her menu.

Lexa almost rolled her eyes, missing Clarke even more. Every time they came here, they each got a different dish and shared so they could try something new. It was just another aspect that she found missing with Luna.

“You okay?” Luna asked squeezing her hand and pulling her back to the present.

“Yeah,” Lexa pulled her hand away to wipe a hand across her brow. She felt sick to her stomach just thinking about Clarke and wishing she was here with her instead. Lexa knew she couldn’t admit that to Luna.

Her date.

What the fuck was she thinking saying yes to this date when she had real feelings for Clarke? She tried to focus on some story, Luna was saying about work, but her eyes kept drifting to Clarke..

It made her heart ache.

She realized Luna had finished her story and smiled even though she didn’t have a clue what was just said, “Do you like your job?” Lexa asked, hoping that it was the right thing to say. It seemed be because Luna launched into something else and Lexa only heard bits and pieces as she couldn’t stop thinking about Clarke.

Luna had stopped talking again and was looking at her, but she was saved by the delivery of their food.

“Enjoy, ladies,” Harper grinned, “Let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you,” They both said at the same time which made Lexa chuckle softly, but it felt hollow even to her own ears.

Lexa started eating, enjoying the silence even though it wasn’t comfortable like with Clarke, instead it was awkward. Lexa just grinned and beared it even though this was the worst date she’d ever been on.

Feeling her phone vibrating in her pocket, Lexa stood up, hoping it was Clarke, but not daring to check until she was alone, “I need to use the bathroom.”

Luna smiled and nodded before Lexa hurried off. She walked into the bathroom and stood at the sink and pulled out her phone.

Her heart sank when it was Raven instead of Clarke.

“Hello?” Lexa answered unsure why Raven would be calling her.

“What the fuck did you do to my best friend?” Raven growled without bothering to say hello. Lexa had the urge to fire back and tell your it was her best friend, but didn’t want to piss her off even more than she already was.

She pinched a hand between her eyes and let out a sigh, “What are you talking about?”

“Don’t play dumb, Woods,” Raven snapped, “Clarke is here bawling her eyes out and I just know it has something to do with you!”

“What has she said?” Lexa questioned, not willing to reveal their arrangement because she’d promised Clarke to keep it between them.

“She’s told me enough when she calms down enough to talk that is,” Raven fired back, “Before she erupts in sobs again. I don’t like seeing Clarke like this.”

Me either, Lexa thought, but didn’t voice, “I’ll fix it, I swear.”

“You better or so help me, Woods, I’ll make you go boom!”

Lexa knew Raven would make good on her threat, “Where is she?”

“I’m not sure,” Raven’s voice had dropped lower.

“What do you mean, you don’t know?” Lexa snapped, “I thought she was with you?”

“She was,” Raven replied and Lexa could still hear the edge in her voice, “but she left.”

“Clarke is upset and you just let her leave!” Lexa exploded and was glad the bathroom was still empty.

“I got distracted,” Raven admitted in a whisper.

“Tell my cousin, I’m going to kill her, but not after I kill you first,” Lexa racked her brain trying to figure out where Clarke would have gone.

“Touche, but seriously, Lexa. Fix this.”

“I will,” Lexa knew she needed to find Clarke and explain. It wouldn’t be easy, but Lexa knew it would be worth it.

“How’s your date by the way?” Lexa could hear the teasing in Raven’s voice.

“She’s not Clarke,” Lexa whispered brokenly. She hated that Clarke was crying because of her and it broke her heart knowing she caused her best friend even an ounce of pain.

“Damn straight, she’s not,” Raven agreed, “Find her, Lexa or I swear to god…”

“I know,” Lexa sighed, “I know. I gotta go.”

“Okay, later Woods,” Lexa disconnected the call and ran a hand down her face. It took a minute for it to click, but Lexa had a feeling where she could find Clarke.

She just hoped she was right.

Lexa made her way back to Luna and sat down, “I’m sorry about that.”

“I was starting to get worried,” Luna admitted and stared at her. Lexa shifted underneath her gaze, because she didn’t want to hurt her, but she needed to find Clarke.

Lexa turned back to Luna, “I didn’t mean to worry you,” She pulled out her phone that she set to vibrate with an alarm while she was in the bathroom. Lexa pretended to read it before looking back up at her, “I’m sorry I need to go.”

“Oh okay,” Luna’s face fell and Lexa felt bad, “Rain check?”

She didn’t want to lie so she shook her head instead, “Luna, you’re a wonderful, intelligent woman, but I don’t see another date happening, I’m sorry.”

“I see,” Luna looked down and fiddled with her napkin, “Is there someone else?”

“Yes,” Lexa didn’t see the point in denying it, “I shouldn’t have led you on and for that I’m truly sorry.”

“Well whoever she is, she is a very lucky woman,” Luna took a deep sip of her wine.

“Actually, I’m the lucky one, but thank you,” Lexa couldn’t help but smile at the thought of Clarke who she hoped would listen to what she would have to say,, “I sincerely hope you find the person you’re meant to be with,” Lexa stood up and laid cash on the table for the meal, “Have a good night.”

“You too,” Luna smiled sadly, but didn’t attempt to move.

Lexa knew better than to linger and make the situation worse. Instead she nodded and hurried out.

Her determination to find Clarke outweighed everything else.

-=-

After crying on Raven’s couch for an hour, Clarke excused herself to the bathroom to wash her face. When she came out, she heard Raven on the phone and knew she was talking to Lexa. Clarke quickly grabbed her stuff and hurried out of the apartment.

She didn’t want to see Lexa right now and knew that since Raven called her, Lexa would more than likely be on the way...or would she? Clarke couldn’t help but think since she was out a date with someone else.

Someone that wasn’t her.

It hurt more than she could say and Clarke knew going to Raven’s probably wasn’t the smartest idea, but she didn’t want to be alone. She showed up, tears cascading down her cheeks and Raven immediately pulled her into a hug.

Clarke had shared some of the story between sobs, enough for Raven to get the gist of it. She swore she heard Raven mutter something about Anya owing her money, but wasn’t sure.

Now she was on the street, unsure where to go because she couldn’t go back to the apartment, knowing that would be the first place, Lexa would look when she found out she wasn’t at Raven’s anymore.

Her feet carried her down the sidewalk, no destination in mind at first. Clarke just wandered until she found herself at the park. The sun had set and the park was deserted, but the light from the moon and streetlights were enough to see by.

She walked over the swingset and sat down, wrapping her hands around the metal chains as she swung her legs back and forth. Clarke smiled slightly because this was the place she came when she needed to think. There was something calming about the rhythmic swinging, the chains rattling and the breeze blowing through the trees.

It was the place where she’d made most of her big decisions like where to to college, where to go to medical school, to join Doctors without Borders. To the smaller decisions about dating, art and life. She felt safe here and it brought her back to happier times when she was kid with no worries and her dad was pushing her on the swing.

Clarke pumped her legs faster and faster so she could go higher and higher. With a smile and a scream, she lept off at the highest point and managed to land on her feet just barely before the momentum carried her straight to the ground.

It was how she felt about Lexa at the moment and that thought alone caused tears to well in her eyes again. She closed her eyes as tears leaked out. Clarke knew she had a decision to make, but wasn’t sure which one to make. It was either telling Lexa how she felt or letting her go.

Neither option would be easy, but it had to be done.

Sighing, Clarke pushed herself up onto her knees and brushed the sand off her clothes. Lucky the fall wasn’t too hard, but she knew she’d be sore tomorrow. Clarke stood up and turned around only to have her breath catch in her throat at the sight of Lexa standing there with her hands in her pockets.

Clarke could tell Lexa was nervous because she kept shifting from foot to foot. She took a moment to look at her in her grey dress pants, green blouse and boots. Lexa looked so beautiful it only made her heart ache more knowing that Lexa hadn’t dressed up for her, but for her date.

Who wasn’t her.

Squaring her shoulders, Clarke crossed her arms and met Lexa’s gaze, not bothering to wipe the tears from her cheeks. She could see the devastation and anguish in Lexa’s eyes, but didn’t let it deter her.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke crossed her arms across her chest to protect herself because she had no idea why Lexa was here.

-=-

“What are you doing here?” Clarke locked eyes with her and Lexa could see Clarke’s gaze almost burning in its intensity.

“I came to find you,” Lexa sighed and hung her head.

“How did you find me?” Clarke stepped back when she moved closer.

Honestly, Lexa wasn't sure why she came to the park, it was just the first place she thought to look after vaguely remembering Clarke mentioning it.

“I know you,” Lexa replied, “Lucky guess honestly, but I had a hunch.”

“I see.”

“Clarke, can I talk to you, please?” Lexa knew she was almost begging, but the hurt and anger in her gaze almost brought Lexa to her knees.

“I...” Clarke’s shoulders slumped as she pulled her bottom lip between her teeth. Lexa’s gaze followed the movement and she ached to kiss Clarke and turn her frown upside down, “Well I’m not sure that’s a good idea,” Clarke went to move past her, but Lexa reached out to stop her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

She heard Clarke’s sharp intake of breath before she yanked Clarke into her and covered her mouth in a bruising kiss. She poured all her anger, jealousy, grief and love into the kiss. She whimpered when Clarke kissed her back just as passionately before she ripped her lips away, her breaths coming in ragged bursts before Clarke looked up at her with desire and longing burning in her eyes.

“Clarke,” Lexa stroked a finger down Clarke’s neck, feeling the rapid beating of her heart, “I want you.”

Clarke whimpered and leaned their foreheads together, “Want me how?” She whispered, fear warring with desire in her eyes.

“All of you,” Lexa cupped her cheek with her other hand and sighed when Clarke leaned into her touch.

Indecision crossed Clarke’s face as she looked deep into her eyes, Lexa let her mask slip away so Clarke could see everything and hopefully believe her.

“You don’t...I...Lexa…” Clarke groaned and pulled back, “Why all the sudden?”

“Because I was an idiot,” Lexa admitted honestly and moved her hand from Clarke’s cheek to the back of her neck to hold Clarke in place. She was terrified if she let go, Clarke would run away.

The thought alone sent panic coursing through her because she couldn’t lose Clarke not after everything.

Not when she realized she was in love with her.

“How so?” Clarke asked, her gaze felt like it was piercing her soul.

Lexa took a deep breath, “Because I love you.”

Clarke froze, “What?” Wonder and hope sparked in her blue eyes and Lexa smiled. She kissed her tenderly.

“You heard me,” Lexa pulled Clarke’s hand up and kissed her knuckles.

“Say it again,” Clarke requested softly.

“I love you, Clarke,” Lexa whispered and captured Clarke’s lips in a deep, searching kiss, “I didn’t plan to tell you in the bathroom of ‘Grounders’, but it doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Why didn’t you tell me this before?” Clarke squeezed her hip and pulled her even closer.

“Like I said, I’m an idiot.”

“But you said yes to Luna,” Clarke tilted her head which Lexa knew meant Clarke was confused.

“Only because I didn’t think you felt the same way,” Lexa played with the baby hairs at the back of Clarke’s neck, “Do you?”

“Do I what?” Clarke smiled and Lexa’s heart skipped a beat.

“Feel the same way?” Lexa asked, her gaze searching Clarke’s face hopefully.

Clarke kissed her hard and bit her bottom lip making Lexa groan, “Of course I do, Lex. I think I’ve always been in love with you,” She smiled again and it lit up her entire face.

“That’s really good to hear,” Lexa wrapped her arms tight around Clarke, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” Clarke nuzzled into her neck and Lexa had never felt happier than she did in this moment.

“Let’s go home,” Lexa asked hopefully. She felt like she was on cloud nine now that she knew Clarke felt the same way.

“Yes, please” Clarke pecked her lips again, “I love you, Lexa.”

“I love you too, Clarke,” Lexa pulled Clarke forward to start the short trek home. With Clarke’s hand in hers, everything was perfect.

As long as she had Clarke, everything would be okay.

-=-


End file.
